Yesterday evening, when I was having my normal rum with paani at the terrace in my flat, I realised that I have not talked to my body for quite some time. Realising it is better to be late than never, I began my speech. By the way, whenever I and my body talk there is actually no sound produced. We actually share, in frequencies that cannot be measured by the present day instruments. Most of the time I initiate the conversations and the body just responds in a way that makes me feel that it is listening.
Today, I wanted to know from the body as how it feels to
have a name – rajeeva ranjan. Is it proud of me or is it indifferent to that
fact? Who knoes, it might have even heard Shakespeare stating – what is in a
name? The body seemed to be more in a listening mode as it did not respond. Since
the body had not shown any inclination to respond, I continued with my sharing.
All my thoughts were directed towards the body.
In my internal silence, I told the body that today when you
are indifferent to my name, how would you feel that day, when I will move out
and people would call you – The body? Would you have any consciousness left in
you at that time to realise that I have moved out. Me, who is your company, for
last so many years; Me, who has looked after you most of the times and also abused
you once in a while. Will you remember me with a happy or a sad feeling? In
those moments will you describe me as you or should I describe you as me? Or do
I start my next journey with the statement that for 54 years, me and my body
were good friends. And then one day, the relationship disintegrated and we could
enjoy each other’s company any more. We decided that it was time to part, time
to move on to maybe, some other realm, some other world, looking for another body
who will be happy to let me share its inner most place for sharing experiences not
possible in this world and the existing body merging with the five ingredients
of the universe to come up fresh, as a new body, ready to host a being, who was
coming here for experiences that were not experienced so far by the body also.
Body was mostly fine with me, though it did complain of my
earthly nature sometimes. I did realise what the body was conveying, but my
visit to this world was for something in which I had no option but to follow my
earthly nature, irrespective of my body’s discomfort. I really do not know
whether my body had any clue before allowing me to settle inside it as what was
my agenda in making it as my resting place.
After some time of sharing, the body wanted to participate
and as I told you, somehow I can intuit when body is getting into sharing mode.
The body had no complaints with me though it would have preferred more
pampering rather than being just stoic about the flesh business. It actually
was telling me that whatever you could do, was because of the fact that I supported
you. It was not blaming me or something, but I could sense that it was telling me
not to feel too great about myself, as I had an equal willing partner, who was
as instrumental in taking me today, where I am. Since me and my body share a very
cordial relationship, we share even the most difficult things with great
simplicity. There is no love lost, there is no heart burn – when me and my body
talk. Long back, when we started the relationship, we decided not to have
separate names, so both me and the body were known by the same names. It was
actually comfy most of the times. Sometimes, we had the tussles also, when body
had its own demand and I had my own needs & perception. Even when we
differed on issues, it was never a big thing. We had realised that we were
different and hence it was perfectly normal not to have identical feelings on
all issues. This relationship of me and my body actually taught me lots of
things in life, from where I could get the best out of my relationship with
almost everybody. Though the body knew about most of my relationships, there
were certain relationships about which the body had no clue. Those were the relationships
that were beyond definitions from the society point of view.
We never talked about those relationships.
My body was masculine and I was genderless. I could feel
like both the masculine and feminine, but the body was devoutly masculine. It
had a pride in its masculinity. There was a time when I looked after my body,
as much as anybody could. The oil and the cream and what not! And body did
respond. It never let me down in my 54 years of life. It carried me
effortlessly to places that I wished to see. It gave me the pleasures, which only
body can give. The respect has been mutual. But everything good or bad, has to
end and so is true for this relationship also. I would not forget my body and I
hope that my body will also not forget me. But is it is sure that after we say
bye, we can never ever meet again.
During this sharing, when three large rums got over, I never
came to know. The only thing that I remember was a slight pain in my chest and then,
suddenly for the first time in my life, I could see myself standing – looking at
my body…..
It was not a sight, one could be ecstatic about, but I felt
an inner calm , a sort of homecoming in that sight and then I left – wishing my
body – the best and thanking him for the support. I actually did not know –
where to go, what to do? But I marched on. It was a usual thing for me throughout
my life, whenever I did not know where to go or what to do, I just marched on……
